“Real men” don’t cry, they don’t show their emotions, they are never afraid, they are always sure of their decisions, they have to make themselves respected, they are virile, physically strong and very often they consider women as objects or in any case as things of their property to be controlled or at most to be shown off (or at least it’s cool to seem that way!).
It can happen from an early age that we grow up with this wrong ideal as a substantial difference between males and females: women are the emotional ones, who cry, who need to be reassured, protected, managed, controlled.
But are we sure that in these statements there is something really attributable to the sole concept of man or woman?
Knowing how to express emotions, love, cry, be afraid, be strong and courageous, self-confident, aren’t these qualities or characteristics that could and/or should concern us all regardless of our gender?
I’ve heard that the problem could be solved by introducing training courses in ‘Emotional, affective and relational education’ into the school and university system or by censoring some singers who talk about women and relationships in a, how shall I say… somewhat violent way.
It is good that the problem is so obvious that we should take it into consideration or at least try to address it, but are we sure that the school has or can have the entire responsibility for all of this?
And are we equally sure that just by listening to a song (which you may or may not like) I am convinced that the way to have a healthy love relationship is to insult the other or dominate him sexually?
I think that the family, the society we live in and the dominant culture have their share of importance. I think we still get indignant too little when we don’t actually feel this gender equality is alive and present in everyday life.
I am convinced that there is a lot of hard work to do but I am extremely confident in things that change.
I think this is what I wanted to talk about when I started writing these lines.
Lucio Corsi’s is also “just a song” but it has been talked about a lot and so I thought it was appropriate to mention something here too; this blog is designed for teenagers but also read by people of all ages so who knows, an interesting debate could arise on the title of the song “Volevo essere un duro”!
However, Lucio Corsi, in addition to being a human being, is also a man and tells us something different and perhaps that is why he has been so noticed.
Being fragile, sensitive, delicate does not only belong to females or weak males. It belongs to human beings.
I have seen men cry with emotion, cuddle animals, help people in difficulty without seeming less strong, determined, confident and … beautiful.
Then BEWARE if it is true that a man can show his sensitivity in this way it is equally true that he can be very sensitive without being moved by a film or cuddling a kitten eh! (and vice versa).
But come on we understand each other. Everyone should feel free to be as they are without fearing the judgment of a society, a culture that seems to impose certain (unwritten) rules!
Maybe the real “tough guys” are those who resist and freely express themselves without worrying about seeming strange, weak…
And when did you want to be tough and instead you understood that true strength is the delicacy of thoughts, gestures and feelings?
Valeria Verna
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