It\u2019s my fault. It\u2019s my fault because I fight, because I talk, because I move. It\u2019s my fault because I don\u2019t settle, I don\u2019t stay, I go. It\u2019s my fault because I never managed to stay still for a long time even when the others might need it. It\u2019s my fault because I studied without caring about anything else, because I think what I want. It\u2019s my fault because I often do not care, because I try not to adapt. It is my fault when I do not understand the need of others to be calm, when I become restless, when I stop answering, when I am silent. It\u2019s my fault when I prevent others from hurting me.
Instead I thought it was my fault when I make or made others feel bad, when I did not understand their beautiful things. I thought it was my fault when I didn\u2019t give someone the space to move on, when I wanted to stop them because of a stupid need for closeness. I thought it was my fault when the eyes weren\u2019t smart enough to stay open and see what was wrong. I still think so.
In the past I often thought that it was my fault that I only existed. That just breathing was terrible let alone trying to be myself, let alone trying to say “no”.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now, these days in particular, I think that guilt is a stupid thing, that judgments on oneself and others count for nothing and only break the balls.
Now, after so many years and so many mistakes I am surprised when someone blames me for not having stopped, for not being good, for not understanding the need to be calm, even if I understand how it feels.
Maybe it\u2019s my fault, but this time even if it is difficult I like this guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Gioia Piazzi<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
It\u2019s my fault. It\u2019s my fault because I fight, because I talk, because I move. It\u2019s my fault because I don\u2019t settle, I don\u2019t stay, I go. It\u2019s my fault because I never managed to stay still for a long time even when the others might need it. It\u2019s my fault because I studied without […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":6815,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6817","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n