Yesterday was my birthday, but he wasn\u2019t like the others. I have extinguished the candles, I have seen the number of the cake and I thought that is the age when a man, many years ago, became my father. … For a moment I stopped being just a son and thought of that guy, who once had more hair… and, with the haste and the effort of those who tried, he put it all. And despite this life has slapped him, he was trapped in a life that even he would not want and answered as someone who is sick: bad.
“Will I be able?”
“Will I do well?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He must have thought that, as I would have done, looking over the glass, while I dreamt my first dreams and wept my first minutes of life. When “pa-pa” was not just two lip shots, but they made a huge silhouette to fly with.
He must have wanted to be different from his parents, he said “I will not be like them, I will give him everything I have”. I imagine myself, lying on his stomach, cradled by his breaths, who dreams in big for both “will be a doctor, will be famous, we\u2019ll be happy”. He must have fantasized about those little hands, a life different from his own, together with the companion of a lifetime.
But it is not the plot of a film, but a story that did not meet expectations.
And this is the moment, when my anger and hatred of mistakes have loosened up, because I saw a boy who grew as he could, as I would have, and made choices, which maybe I would have done too.
And the fear of becoming like his father, and his father\u2019s father and so on became real… I know he was there. Even if he didn\u2019t say it. When, in moments of silence, his watery eyes showed me which seas he would sail and on which island he was stranded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And his curved shoulders were not genetic, but the weight of a surname, stories and things passed down. Of “must” of “can\u2019t” of “you are not”. And the only mistake that life has not forgiven is to blame others for one\u2019s depression. That\u2019s when he stopped drawing, even though he did it well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why say “I will not be like them\u2026” is not enough. Nobody would. And I, in silence, wondered if at some point, with great effort, the asshole who broke the chain and did not believe fate would arrive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It takes a deep work, in which sailing on a small boat, without a surname and with a little courage\u2026 Overcoming Scylla (idealize the parent) and Cariddi (fuck up the parent)
\u2026there is the history, the anger, the illness, the affection of those who once had your age and hoped for better. To see him better, for what he is and what he was and to see you better and the things that you can and want to change.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And when I think back to this story\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It occurs to me that\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“\u2026 two roads diverged in a forest, and I, I chose the least one. Here is all the difference.” (cit. Robert Frost)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Gianluca Ambrosini<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Yesterday was my birthday, but he wasn\u2019t like the others. I have extinguished the candles, I have seen the number of the cake and I thought that is the age when a man, many years ago, became my father. … For a moment I stopped being just a son and thought of that guy, who […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":16,"featured_media":6502,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6500","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n